Thursday, December 22, 2011
Dreams
It has been some time since I dream, or perhaps, remember my dream. Last night I had a weird dream..dreaming of me carrying a baby & doing all the things a mum would do - feeding, cuddling, kissing etc. I must have missed Asher too much. =)
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Mummy cried again
Dearest Asher,
Today was Mummy's 2nd time to church service after confinement (missed last Sunday's one as we could not wake up in time). P. Larry caught us after service & spoke to us. He said he was happy to see Daddy & Mummy in church. Mummy & Daddy also saw Auntie Mui Leng, our friend who attended the same marriage preparatory course in June last year. Auntie Mui Leng & Uncle Norman had just got married last Sunday & Mummy congratulated her. Asher, do you know that Auntie Mui Leng remembered you? She asked Mummy if you are born already & I told her yes, but you have passed away. Then Mummy cried again..after so long & Auntie Mui Leng gave Mummy a big hug. Auntie Mui Leng asked what happened & Mummy told her.
Asher baby, we miss you greatly. We really wished you are here with us, being part of our daily lives.
Today was Mummy's 2nd time to church service after confinement (missed last Sunday's one as we could not wake up in time). P. Larry caught us after service & spoke to us. He said he was happy to see Daddy & Mummy in church. Mummy & Daddy also saw Auntie Mui Leng, our friend who attended the same marriage preparatory course in June last year. Auntie Mui Leng & Uncle Norman had just got married last Sunday & Mummy congratulated her. Asher, do you know that Auntie Mui Leng remembered you? She asked Mummy if you are born already & I told her yes, but you have passed away. Then Mummy cried again..after so long & Auntie Mui Leng gave Mummy a big hug. Auntie Mui Leng asked what happened & Mummy told her.
Asher baby, we miss you greatly. We really wished you are here with us, being part of our daily lives.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Daddy's Birthday
Dearest Asher,
It was Daddy's birthday yesterday & we went Lawry's for dinner. It was our first time there, or rather the first time that we are having an expensive meal. There was a 1-for-1 main course promotion & since I did not your Daddy any present, I decided to bring him there. Daddy had the English cut while Mummy had the California cut. The meal comes with the Famous Spinning Bowl Salad which just tastes like normal salad. 真的是pattern多过badminton! We also had wine which we anyhow chose.. Haha.. And ended our meal with Creme Brûlée. The Lawry's staff surprised us with a birthday song for Daddy, making him abit embarrassed.
During dinner, we talked about you. Daddy said that if you are still around, there would. be a stroller beside us & Mummy would not be wearing what I was wearing (the fluffy top with pants & black heels) cos we would not have planned to go Zouk after dinner. Really really miss you Asher!
Lawry's gave us some lucky draw forms, birthday member application forms to fill up. There was a field asking us to fill up the number of kids we have. I told Daddy, we have one. Daddy said it's true, just that he is in heaven. So, both of us wrote one in that field on the forms. Asher, are you looking down from heaven at us & smiling when we did that?
It was Daddy's birthday yesterday & we went Lawry's for dinner. It was our first time there, or rather the first time that we are having an expensive meal. There was a 1-for-1 main course promotion & since I did not your Daddy any present, I decided to bring him there. Daddy had the English cut while Mummy had the California cut. The meal comes with the Famous Spinning Bowl Salad which just tastes like normal salad. 真的是pattern多过badminton! We also had wine which we anyhow chose.. Haha.. And ended our meal with Creme Brûlée. The Lawry's staff surprised us with a birthday song for Daddy, making him abit embarrassed.
During dinner, we talked about you. Daddy said that if you are still around, there would. be a stroller beside us & Mummy would not be wearing what I was wearing (the fluffy top with pants & black heels) cos we would not have planned to go Zouk after dinner. Really really miss you Asher!
Lawry's gave us some lucky draw forms, birthday member application forms to fill up. There was a field asking us to fill up the number of kids we have. I told Daddy, we have one. Daddy said it's true, just that he is in heaven. So, both of us wrote one in that field on the forms. Asher, are you looking down from heaven at us & smiling when we did that?
Monday, November 21, 2011
The Preliminary Report
Dear Asher,
Last Friday evening, your Daddy told me the hospital had sent the preliminary report to him. As Daddy was still in office, I told him to send to me. I opened up the email attachment & began reading. As I read each word, my heart broke. Although we already knew you had to be cut open for the autopsy to be done, reading the report just made the reality comes alive. Dear Asher, we know you do not feel the pain but it is just difficult to accept that you had to leave the earth this way. Daddy said he felt like shit when he reads the report.. I hesitated to scroll down the pages each time. I found it hard to digest. The more I read, the wilder my imagination ran...thinking how you are being cut opened. We do not understand. Your report states you are healthy, normal. Why then did such a thing happen to you?
Mummy is worried that you are lonely in heaven, with no friends. Daddy says maybe you met your uncle/auntie, Grand Auntie Grace's child. Dear Asher, we miss you so much everyday. We love you, our dear boy, our most precious angel, our dear son.
Last Friday evening, your Daddy told me the hospital had sent the preliminary report to him. As Daddy was still in office, I told him to send to me. I opened up the email attachment & began reading. As I read each word, my heart broke. Although we already knew you had to be cut open for the autopsy to be done, reading the report just made the reality comes alive. Dear Asher, we know you do not feel the pain but it is just difficult to accept that you had to leave the earth this way. Daddy said he felt like shit when he reads the report.. I hesitated to scroll down the pages each time. I found it hard to digest. The more I read, the wilder my imagination ran...thinking how you are being cut opened. We do not understand. Your report states you are healthy, normal. Why then did such a thing happen to you?
Mummy is worried that you are lonely in heaven, with no friends. Daddy says maybe you met your uncle/auntie, Grand Auntie Grace's child. Dear Asher, we miss you so much everyday. We love you, our dear boy, our most precious angel, our dear son.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Maybe Asher.....
James & I have been trying to imagine alot nowadays. Imagining how tall Asher would be when he grows up, imagining who he will look like, imagining what he's doing in heaven.
One of our whatsapp message looks like this:
A: I told Ruth, Asher must be lazy..Lazy to grow up, lazy to study, lazy to entertain me.
J: Lazy to 伺候 mummy
A: Ya lor.. I go heaven must spank him
J: He so old Liao.. How to spank
A: Still spank.. Hehe
J: Skali taller than me
A: But u said he takes after my genes.. Haha. Maybe he'll just be 1.7++
One of our whatsapp message looks like this:
A: I told Ruth, Asher must be lazy..Lazy to grow up, lazy to study, lazy to entertain me.
J: Lazy to 伺候 mummy
A: Ya lor.. I go heaven must spank him
J: He so old Liao.. How to spank
A: Still spank.. Hehe
J: Skali taller than me
A: But u said he takes after my genes.. Haha. Maybe he'll just be 1.7++
Monday, November 14, 2011
Our 1st Wedding Anniversary
Dearest Asher,
Today is Daddy & Mummy's 1st wedding anniversary. Cliche as it is, time really flies. Looking back, it was after 3 months from our wedding that we both found out that you have secretly entered our life. Mummy was not exactly that excited the moment I found out as I was sick, having fever, flu & sore throat. Your little life had caused Mummy's body to turn upside down. But subsequently, Asher, you had been quite a good boy. Mummy did not have any morning sickness... Blessed!
Daddy & Mummy wished you could be here with us, celebrating this day with us. But perhaps, you did not like the earth, you cannot get use to the world outside Mummy's body, you left us. Just 3 days old, you left home like a willful kid, going to a place that is much more fun. Mummy must have not taught you well enough to make you stay home with us.
Asher, Daddy & Mummy missed you loads. There is never a single day that we do not think of you & do not mention you. You are always part of us & our lives & nothing will change that. We know you would be safe in heaven & is enjoying yourself there. Wait for us... We will get there one day.
Today is Daddy & Mummy's 1st wedding anniversary. Cliche as it is, time really flies. Looking back, it was after 3 months from our wedding that we both found out that you have secretly entered our life. Mummy was not exactly that excited the moment I found out as I was sick, having fever, flu & sore throat. Your little life had caused Mummy's body to turn upside down. But subsequently, Asher, you had been quite a good boy. Mummy did not have any morning sickness... Blessed!
Daddy & Mummy wished you could be here with us, celebrating this day with us. But perhaps, you did not like the earth, you cannot get use to the world outside Mummy's body, you left us. Just 3 days old, you left home like a willful kid, going to a place that is much more fun. Mummy must have not taught you well enough to make you stay home with us.
Asher, Daddy & Mummy missed you loads. There is never a single day that we do not think of you & do not mention you. You are always part of us & our lives & nothing will change that. We know you would be safe in heaven & is enjoying yourself there. Wait for us... We will get there one day.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Goodbye Asher, Daddy & Mummy will see you in Heaven.
Dearest precious Baby Asher,
Never did Mummy expect that my next blog entry to you will be a goodbye to you. I din even get a chance to welcome you! Baby Asher, your presence in this world may be short - 26th October 2011 2159hrs to 29th October 2011 2305hrs, but do you know that it has brought so so so much joy to us? Mummy can still remember how you first looked like when you were born & I cuddled you on my chest, at the operating theatre. Daddy was just next to us, taking our 1st shot together.
Baby Asher, Daddy & Mummy knows you are a very smart boy! You can suckle so well already even though you were barely a few hours old. Daddy says you have Mummy's mouth & when you cry, tears come out from your eyes. He said you are just like Mummy, lots of tears when you cry. You have Daddy's hair, black & curly! But Daddy rebonded his so his is straight. Maybe when you grow up, you will need Uncle Aaron's help to rebond too! Haha. And your eyes & nose, Grandma (mummy's mum) said she can see your nose resembles Daddy! I agree too.. It's big! Your eyes are always so alert, looking around, trying to see what's around you. And they are always so watery & bright! Daddy & Mummy will never forget how alert you are even as a day old boy.
Baby Asher, Daddy, Mummy, Grandpa, Grandmas, your uncles & aunties do not know why you had left us. We are hurt, definitely hurt that we can't see you grow up. You are not even supposed to be due yet!!! It was supposed to be 4 November!!! Why Asher? Why did you come & leave so fast? We haven got enough of you, we never will! We din even had a chance to take a family photo together, we thought we still have many chances... But no, 73 hrs was what you gave us. You din even get to sit on the car that Daddy chose especially so that you will feel comfortable in. You din even get a chance to sleep in your bed that we chose especially for you. You din even get a chance to wear all the clothes that we selected for you, those which you will look good in. You din even get a chance to play the mobile & side bumper that Daddy bought for you!!! You din even get the chance to step into the house that Daddy & Mummy cleaned up & the room that we decorated for you. And you din even get a chance to see the stickers that Daddy had ordered online for you!! All the things that we had done, bought for you since the day we know you are coming, you din get a chance to see it! We don't know God had taken you away from us. We are upset, angry, disappointed despite prayers... But Asher, we wanna continue to trust in God that you are in safe hands. Daddy & Mummy will see you in heaven.. Please be patient & wait for us. We are sorry that you are there alone now. But rest assured, Daddy & Mummy will join you one day.
Baby Asher, Daddy & Mummy loves you. Goodbye & see you again.
Never did Mummy expect that my next blog entry to you will be a goodbye to you. I din even get a chance to welcome you! Baby Asher, your presence in this world may be short - 26th October 2011 2159hrs to 29th October 2011 2305hrs, but do you know that it has brought so so so much joy to us? Mummy can still remember how you first looked like when you were born & I cuddled you on my chest, at the operating theatre. Daddy was just next to us, taking our 1st shot together.
Baby Asher, Daddy & Mummy knows you are a very smart boy! You can suckle so well already even though you were barely a few hours old. Daddy says you have Mummy's mouth & when you cry, tears come out from your eyes. He said you are just like Mummy, lots of tears when you cry. You have Daddy's hair, black & curly! But Daddy rebonded his so his is straight. Maybe when you grow up, you will need Uncle Aaron's help to rebond too! Haha. And your eyes & nose, Grandma (mummy's mum) said she can see your nose resembles Daddy! I agree too.. It's big! Your eyes are always so alert, looking around, trying to see what's around you. And they are always so watery & bright! Daddy & Mummy will never forget how alert you are even as a day old boy.
Baby Asher, Daddy, Mummy, Grandpa, Grandmas, your uncles & aunties do not know why you had left us. We are hurt, definitely hurt that we can't see you grow up. You are not even supposed to be due yet!!! It was supposed to be 4 November!!! Why Asher? Why did you come & leave so fast? We haven got enough of you, we never will! We din even had a chance to take a family photo together, we thought we still have many chances... But no, 73 hrs was what you gave us. You din even get to sit on the car that Daddy chose especially so that you will feel comfortable in. You din even get a chance to sleep in your bed that we chose especially for you. You din even get a chance to wear all the clothes that we selected for you, those which you will look good in. You din even get a chance to play the mobile & side bumper that Daddy bought for you!!! You din even get the chance to step into the house that Daddy & Mummy cleaned up & the room that we decorated for you. And you din even get a chance to see the stickers that Daddy had ordered online for you!! All the things that we had done, bought for you since the day we know you are coming, you din get a chance to see it! We don't know God had taken you away from us. We are upset, angry, disappointed despite prayers... But Asher, we wanna continue to trust in God that you are in safe hands. Daddy & Mummy will see you in heaven.. Please be patient & wait for us. We are sorry that you are there alone now. But rest assured, Daddy & Mummy will join you one day.
Baby Asher, Daddy & Mummy loves you. Goodbye & see you again.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Asher you are 500g already!
Hello Asher,
Daddy & Mummy brought you to see Dr Koh last Saturday & you are weighing 500g at end of week 21 already! The report from TMC showed that you were only 374g at week 20. You are growing so fast and this means mummy will be ballooning very rapidly too. Just by using simple mathematics, if you grow at 150g per week, you will be 3,350g by birth time. This means I will put on at least 3kg from now onwards. I can't imagine! Hopefully I will only put on a maximum of 5kg more.
Daddy & Mummy bought you a mini chest of drawers from IKEA yesterday for you to keep all your beautiful clothes and other baby stuff. We bought a same one to put in Daddy's parents place too so that they can also keep your stuff there when you go over there during the daytime when we work.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Shopping for Asher
Last Saturday, James & I decided to head down to Kaki Bukit to check out the baby stores again to hunt for baby cot, pram & other stuff. We have been indecisive the past few times when we were shopping around as we thought it was still too early to get anything. But that same week, my friend "scare" me and said most mummies complete their shopping in their 6 months so that by 3rd trimester, they can rest & relax. Hmm... I already finished my 5 months and entering the 21st week but we have only bought a steriliser.... -_-". So we decided to better buck up & check our checklist before I get too big to shop around.
But well, we still put the purchase of the baby cot on hold, cos' we thought we can hunt around for more varieties in terms of designs, sizes & prices too. Hehe... and this time round, we made sure we remember the prices to make comparison easier. There are really so much factors to consider - the heights, the lengths, until what age can Asher sleep until, is it too narrow etc & of cos the looks! Next, we went looking for pram which we both kind of knew the brand that we have shortlisted so we are trying to check out a few other brands & compare the prices, the weight, the design. When we finally saw the Peg Perego P3 at a discounted price of S$569, which was much cheaper than what we saw online at S$620, we decided to go for it. Besides, the store delivers & the warranty only starts when Asher is born & we could even change a different design at a later stage. Phew.. finally pram checked!
We bought a romper, a top & a pants too at the store, plus some other accessories like nail clipper, nappies, safety pins. And mind you, baby stuff don't come cheap.. spent S$74 for all these. Yesterday, James & I went Vivo & bought a few more clothings which were on sale... another S$70 on the credit card bill. But I am happy with the purchase... pretty pastel colours rompers, shorts & t-shirts. Asher will look cute & handsome in it! I can't wait to dress him up! Hehe...
But well, we still put the purchase of the baby cot on hold, cos' we thought we can hunt around for more varieties in terms of designs, sizes & prices too. Hehe... and this time round, we made sure we remember the prices to make comparison easier. There are really so much factors to consider - the heights, the lengths, until what age can Asher sleep until, is it too narrow etc & of cos the looks! Next, we went looking for pram which we both kind of knew the brand that we have shortlisted so we are trying to check out a few other brands & compare the prices, the weight, the design. When we finally saw the Peg Perego P3 at a discounted price of S$569, which was much cheaper than what we saw online at S$620, we decided to go for it. Besides, the store delivers & the warranty only starts when Asher is born & we could even change a different design at a later stage. Phew.. finally pram checked!
We bought a romper, a top & a pants too at the store, plus some other accessories like nail clipper, nappies, safety pins. And mind you, baby stuff don't come cheap.. spent S$74 for all these. Yesterday, James & I went Vivo & bought a few more clothings which were on sale... another S$70 on the credit card bill. But I am happy with the purchase... pretty pastel colours rompers, shorts & t-shirts. Asher will look cute & handsome in it! I can't wait to dress him up! Hehe...
Monday, June 20, 2011
Asher boy #1
Hello Asher boy,
This is mummy's 1st blog post to you. Last Saturday, Mummy went for a scan at Thomson Medical Centre (TMC), to check if you are growing well. Daddy & I are really excited to see you inside mummy's tummy. =) When the sonographer was looking out for you, we can see you floating inside mummy's tummy. It's so weird.. mummy wonders how come you can stay inside the water without needing to gasp for breath..well afterall, mummy can't swim. Heh.. so i can't stay underneath water without gasping for air!! And Asher boy, we saw u yawn! So cute! We think it's cos it's in the noon time & mummy has observed that you only started kicking mummy at night. Really wonder if you will be a nocturnal baby when you are out but the sonographer comforted us and said most babies get more active at night. Phew!
Daddy & Mummy were very happy when the sonographer said your size is good, though she has to do some complicated calculations to find out your estimated weight. You are a strong boy, with a beautiful face, lips, nose, arms & legs! That's what most important! And your heart is pumping so actively. Mummy is glad that you are growing so well though Granny said mummy is so skinny & don't seem to put on weight. Well.. cos all the food mummy ate went to you! That's such a blessing! Asher well done! Eat more okie? Help mummy share all the food mummy is eating so that mummy won't put on too much weight! Hehe. And oh, you were rubbing your eyes too... such a sweet movement. Trying to show off how agile you are? And Asher boy, you are really a boy!!! You are not shy in showing your cutie thing you know? Your legs are opened so wide that it took the sonographer no effort to be able to find that?!? =P Mummy thinks it must be Daddy's genes... will tell you why when you grow up! keke...
Time passes so fast... you are inside mummy's tummy for 5 months! Woohoo! In the beginning stage, mummy was still so worried about you settling well inside mummy cos mummy's womb don't seem very stable. But now, seeing you growing strong & healthy makes daddy & mummy & everyone around us very glad! Recently, mummy is feeling your kicks more & you are getting more powerful. And you know what, daddy & mummy felt your 1st jig together about 2 weeks ago. We were still unsure that time but now we are very sure you are becoming more active!
However, mummy has not been feeling very good recently. Mummy has been feeling pain at my butt, especially after walking a few steps, after standing up from the bed or from sitting down. The pain just come and go suddenly..depending on the angle I make. Didn't thought much of it as it was still bearable. Then over the weekend, the pain seems to worsen. I feel that I can't walk that much and fast without feeling the pain. Last nite, mummy remembered reading about a friend's blog talking about some sharp pain during her pregnancy.. so mummy decided to dig up that post so find out more. Mummy thinks it might be because of this. This morning, mummy went to the nearest GP to find out but the GP said it could be due to straining of the hips joints. The GP just gave me paracetamol & 2 days of rest & told mummy not to walk too much. But back home, I realised, if I tried to sit up or stand up after lying down for too long, I feel the pain even more. Last nite I was so worried and cried (useless mummy right?) and thought i must endure this pain, if not how can I endure the labour pain. Think daddy must be thinking I'm silly.. but comforted me by wiping my tears on my cheeks. Hopefully, the pain will go away or become more bearable these few days before mummy sees Dr Koh to get a more assuring answer.
This is mummy's 1st blog post to you. Last Saturday, Mummy went for a scan at Thomson Medical Centre (TMC), to check if you are growing well. Daddy & I are really excited to see you inside mummy's tummy. =) When the sonographer was looking out for you, we can see you floating inside mummy's tummy. It's so weird.. mummy wonders how come you can stay inside the water without needing to gasp for breath..well afterall, mummy can't swim. Heh.. so i can't stay underneath water without gasping for air!! And Asher boy, we saw u yawn! So cute! We think it's cos it's in the noon time & mummy has observed that you only started kicking mummy at night. Really wonder if you will be a nocturnal baby when you are out but the sonographer comforted us and said most babies get more active at night. Phew!
Daddy & Mummy were very happy when the sonographer said your size is good, though she has to do some complicated calculations to find out your estimated weight. You are a strong boy, with a beautiful face, lips, nose, arms & legs! That's what most important! And your heart is pumping so actively. Mummy is glad that you are growing so well though Granny said mummy is so skinny & don't seem to put on weight. Well.. cos all the food mummy ate went to you! That's such a blessing! Asher well done! Eat more okie? Help mummy share all the food mummy is eating so that mummy won't put on too much weight! Hehe. And oh, you were rubbing your eyes too... such a sweet movement. Trying to show off how agile you are? And Asher boy, you are really a boy!!! You are not shy in showing your cutie thing you know? Your legs are opened so wide that it took the sonographer no effort to be able to find that?!? =P Mummy thinks it must be Daddy's genes... will tell you why when you grow up! keke...
Time passes so fast... you are inside mummy's tummy for 5 months! Woohoo! In the beginning stage, mummy was still so worried about you settling well inside mummy cos mummy's womb don't seem very stable. But now, seeing you growing strong & healthy makes daddy & mummy & everyone around us very glad! Recently, mummy is feeling your kicks more & you are getting more powerful. And you know what, daddy & mummy felt your 1st jig together about 2 weeks ago. We were still unsure that time but now we are very sure you are becoming more active!
However, mummy has not been feeling very good recently. Mummy has been feeling pain at my butt, especially after walking a few steps, after standing up from the bed or from sitting down. The pain just come and go suddenly..depending on the angle I make. Didn't thought much of it as it was still bearable. Then over the weekend, the pain seems to worsen. I feel that I can't walk that much and fast without feeling the pain. Last nite, mummy remembered reading about a friend's blog talking about some sharp pain during her pregnancy.. so mummy decided to dig up that post so find out more. Mummy thinks it might be because of this. This morning, mummy went to the nearest GP to find out but the GP said it could be due to straining of the hips joints. The GP just gave me paracetamol & 2 days of rest & told mummy not to walk too much. But back home, I realised, if I tried to sit up or stand up after lying down for too long, I feel the pain even more. Last nite I was so worried and cried (useless mummy right?) and thought i must endure this pain, if not how can I endure the labour pain. Think daddy must be thinking I'm silly.. but comforted me by wiping my tears on my cheeks. Hopefully, the pain will go away or become more bearable these few days before mummy sees Dr Koh to get a more assuring answer.
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