The Preliminary Report

Dear Asher,

Last Friday evening, your Daddy told me the hospital had sent the preliminary report to him. As Daddy was still in office, I told him to send to me. I opened up the email attachment & began reading. As I read each word, my heart broke. Although we already knew you had to be cut open for the autopsy to be done, reading the report just made the reality comes alive. Dear Asher, we know you do not feel the pain but it is just difficult to accept that you had to leave the earth this way. Daddy said he felt like shit when he reads the report.. I hesitated to scroll down the pages each time. I found it hard to digest. The more I read, the wilder my imagination ran...thinking how you are being cut opened. We do not understand. Your report states you are healthy, normal. Why then did such a thing happen to you?

Mummy is worried that you are lonely in heaven, with no friends. Daddy says maybe you met your uncle/auntie, Grand Auntie Grace's child. Dear Asher, we miss you so much everyday. We love you, our dear boy, our most precious angel, our dear son.

Maybe Asher.....

James & I have been trying to imagine alot nowadays. Imagining how tall Asher would be when he grows up, imagining who he will look like, imagining what he's doing in heaven.

One of our whatsapp message looks like this:

A: I told Ruth, Asher must be lazy..Lazy to grow up, lazy to study, lazy to entertain me.
J: Lazy to 伺候 mummy
A: Ya lor.. I go heaven must spank him
J: He so old Liao.. How to spank
A: Still spank.. Hehe
J: Skali taller than me
A: But u said he takes after my genes.. Haha. Maybe he'll just be 1.7++

Our 1st Wedding Anniversary

Dearest Asher,

Today is Daddy & Mummy's 1st wedding anniversary. Cliche as it is, time really flies. Looking back, it was after 3 months from our wedding that we both found out that you have secretly entered our life. Mummy was not exactly that excited the moment I found out as I was sick, having fever, flu & sore throat. Your little life had caused Mummy's body to turn upside down. But subsequently, Asher, you had been quite a good boy. Mummy did not have any morning sickness... Blessed!

Daddy & Mummy wished you could be here with us, celebrating this day with us. But perhaps, you did not like the earth, you cannot get use to the world outside Mummy's body, you left us. Just 3 days old, you left home like a willful kid, going to a place that is much more fun. Mummy must have not taught you well enough to make you stay home with us.

Asher, Daddy & Mummy missed you loads. There is never a single day that we do not think of you & do not mention you. You are always part of us & our lives & nothing will change that. We know you would be safe in heaven & is enjoying yourself there. Wait for us... We will get there one day.