Baby Dedications & Parents' Day

A few months ago, the church held its baby dedication. James & I were sitting at the second block of seats, pretty far from the stage. It was very hard on me. I tried very hard to control my emotions, but somehow my tears just flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks. I do not seem to care how the people sitting near me would view me. I missed Asher. If he was still around, we would be carrying him and standing right in front dedicating him to God. But I did not have the chance anymore. A few weeks ago, there was another baby dedication ceremony. This time round I did better. I was determined not to embarrass myself again. Hence, this time round, I distracted myself and not pay full attention to the ceremony, not look at the parents and their kids. And I did it! I did not cry again. Then again come another event that made us uncomfortable. Parents' Day. Parents' Day is celebrated in Trinity on the 3rd weekend of June, which was last weekend. I was trying hard not to let my emotions go weak again. I can sense James was feeling upset too and I did not dare to look at him, just in case I go weak and cry.The next evening when we talked.. he questioned if children are gifts from God, why then did God take Asher away from us? I told him about the book of Job and what I gathered from there, that God is testing our faith for him. And I truly want to hang on to the promise that God will grant us with more children and miracles will happen such that we can then testify God's goodness. A cell friend messaged me later that evening to check on us as she felt for us on during the service. I thought no one would think about us but she did and I really appreciate her for being sensitive to us.